Impasse
by PhenyxArises
Summary: Miss Parker leaves Blue Cove on Raines' orders to locate/identify/clean the area where Mr. Parker's body is believed to have surfaced. Chapter 1 rated R for sexual content & language
1. Twilight

**Impasse **

Chapter One

** Twilight**

Twilight. She was bathed in an ostensibly perpetual twilight, her beauty ethereal in the soft shadows. She cast her eyes towards the heavens, void of the sun and awash in rich hues before turning to stare at the too tranquil water stretched out in front of her like a blanket to eternity. Eternal. It had been for him.

The news, even though expected, had ricocheted through her like a bullet searching for that perfect organ to puncture. Her heart had taken the direct hit.

Those around her wondered if her mind would break as well but it didn't. She didn't collapse, there was no psychotic break, no nasty conversion disorder. She didn't sob. She didn't even cry. Not even one tear. She had accepted her mission gracefully when Raines ordered her to investigate the reports of debris floating in Tamuda Bay.

She had only nodded in what appeared to be a sign of loyalty when she was instructed to sweep, to even clean that area, to clean the officials in Morocco as well as Mr. Parker's body if necessary so that no tracks could be traced back to the Centre. The golden rule. Anything for the Centre. Death before dishonor. She was sure there were other reasons. Her twin wanted to take over the Jarod project. It was personal to baby brother now. Now that he and Raines had fabricated to the Triumvirate, the events the night of Mr. Parker's jump.

Still staring out at the Mediterranean, she allowed herself a single tear for the man she loved, the man her mother had loved, painfully aware as it made it's lonely descent along her cheek that it was more than he deserved.

Underneath the bowl of stars, clear and bright on the lonely stretch of beach, her resolve was solidified. She felt a calmness rain upon her. Leaving the Centre had always appealed to her but pleasing daddy had always come first. Daddy was gone now and a flesh eating twin wasn't reason enough to stay. Hell, if anything, it was all the more reason to run.

She stood, set her shoulders in unyielding determination and dusted off the sand. She took another long look at the water, as if she could simply absorb that tranquility and store it somewhere inside for later use and then pivoted around to return to her villa.

The long walk was somehow liberating, the air and water seemed to infuse her, body and soul, with energy.

Closing the door to the villa, she kicked off her shoes.  
Suddenly, the air seemed different. She felt his presence before she even looked in his direction.  
He wore a tux and a five o'clock shadow. The jacket unbutton, the bow tie loosened around the shirt collar, the top three buttons of his shirt undone to expose chest hair and a sculpted body. He had thrown himself into weight lifting, hitting the gym harder than ever before to expend all his pent up rage and despair. It hadn't helped. What he wanted was her, not the physique of Hulk.

"I came to offer my condolences."

She considered his words, watched him as he strolled across the floor towards her.

"Condolences?" She hissed out, pulling her gun and pressing it right against his chest. Jarod took another step.  
He found it all very interesting that though the barrel was digging into his skin, it was Parker who attempted to retreat.  
She stared in disbelief, her anger ratcheting up a notch when he showed no fear of the gun. The anger increased ten fold when she felt something foreign slip under skin. Fear. She took a moment to shake off that feeling before unleashing the rage.  
"I know how much you hated my father Jarod so skip the fucking song and dance and tell me what the hell you want!"

He placed his hands on either side of her, his palms flush against the door behind her. His body was not in contact with hers in any way but she was pretty well trapped between Jarod and the door.

"I** thought** I made that clear two weeks ago.." He began, taking the gun from her trembling hands. The gun was now turned on her. She was fuming at the slight smile on his face. "but if you need _further_ clarification..."  
He leaned forward, bending down just slightly, ever so slowly, gauging her every reaction as he stared into her eyes, and gently pressed his lips to hers.  
"Jarod!" The threat fizzled out of her voice, leaving just a tremulous whisper of uncertainty against his lips.  
He shoved the gun into the waistband of his pants and was not the least surprised when her hands moved for the pistol.  
Jarod captured both her hands in his stronger left hand.  
"Let me go!" She struggled against him in vain.  
His eyes held hers as he pulled back just a bit before once again leaning in, parting her lips with his tongue, his right leg slid between hers. He lifted her hands above their heads.  
Parker was engulfed by the man, swallowed whole by the moment. He felt all resistance crumbling beneath his touch.

Skilled fingers caressed her body softly, removed the suit she had chosen to wear just ten hours earlier. The clothing pooled around her feet. Releasing her hands, he slid them around her.  
"It's not going to be this easy you son of-" Her hands were on his chest, a last ditch effort to push him off. Once again, he captured both of her hands in just one of his much stronger hands.  
"Jarod!" Again, little bite remained in the bark.

Maybe she needed to offer up this defense, pretend to play the meek maid for some irrational reason which he would never understand.  
It felt so erotic, his tux against her naked body; however it was not erotic enough to eclipse all the doubts in her mind.

Holding her hands above her head, against the door, his other hand made quick work of his clothes.  
"You can't do this." She sneered.

"I haven't done anything." He stated calmly. "_Yet_." Jarod tacked on with a smile.

He lifted her naked form in his capable arms, carried her into the bedroom and gently deposited her onto the bed.

"Damn it Jarod, you-" The back of her hand made contact with his bottom lip. He reached for his lip with a thumb, glared at the blood.  
She started, began to bolt from the bed.  
He pinned her hands to the mattress.  
"We can't do this...it's-" She was breathlessly searching for some perfect phrase, some mystic incantation which could convince him. And herself.

"Don't fight it Parker." He returned softly solemnly gazing down at her. He shifted quickly, so that her hands were above her head and in the tight grip of just one of his hands. "You're only fighting yourself." He whispered against her lips.  
She closed her eyes as a finger brushed her thigh. It had been so long since she had done this, so long since Thomas.

"I have killed men for less than...**oh god**.." She moaned in pleasure, interrupted briefly. "You have to stop this, you have..."

"When I'm making you feel so good? Why should I stop?"  
His body bare, warm against hers, his hands on her face, gentle caresses. Jarod pulled her fingers in his mouth, suckled each one so expertly. Somehow his hands were everywhere at once.

His adeptness amazed her. Every touch.  
He kneaded her breasts, his tongue traced her warm skin. He pulled an erect nipple into his mouth, gently involving his teeth and tongue as his hands gently spread her legs and he positioned himself between them.

"Don't do this Jarod.." There was panic, genuine panic in her voice. "Please, please don't-"  
"I'm not going to do anything that you don't want me to do. Tell me what you want."

He offered her an easy out.

"I don't know what.." She mumbled aimlessly, breathlessly between kisses and the night wore on similarly. She knew what she wanted, was too afraid to admit that she wanted this with someone she supposedly hated so intensely.  
Still, 'I don't know' was a step closer to 'yes' than 'no' had been.

"You are not going to allow him to control you even in death. I won't let you."

His finger brushed her clitoris, her breathed hitched, her pelvis thrust upward.  
"...but...it's wrong .." A litany of nearly incoherent murmurings, obscenities and she didn't mean the first word.

"Your words say no, your body says yes." His finger danced along the wetness between her legs and dared to slip inside.  
There was a yelp followed by his name, which she hissed lashing out at him in both pleasure and contempt.

Again, her body writhed beneath his. He began to wonder if maybe he'd been wrong, if she'd never stop fighting. But then, she was confrontational by nature. The fight was sometimes all she'd had and surrender was not in her vast vocabulary.

"And which will the police believe Jar.." her counter statement was broken by guttural, primal moans.

"What are you afraid of?"  
She pretended she didn't hear that one but they both knew. Control. She couldn't give a drop of it away, hadn't in some time. Not since Thomas.  
But Jarod didn't want control. He wanted to free her, to love her, to give her back what it seemed she had buried with Thomas' body.

"Stop fighting yourself."

"But...we..can't.."

"Why?"  
"Because I fucking...oh god...I said so!" She attempted to twist her hands from his grasp, to kick him away. Impossible. "Stop before I..."

"Before you what? Before you say yes? Because you equate saying yes to giving up, to losing, to relinquishing control? It's not the same thing and you know it."

"What do you want?" She asked with tears in her eyes.

"I want you."

Later, he wouldn't even remember which combination of words it had been and neither would she.  
Maybe it wasn't his words, maybe she had tired of the fight, decided that he was right. Perhaps she finally wanted something for herself and to hell with everyone and everything else. It didn't matter. The journey didn't matter.

The destination was sweet, was all that mattered, to have her in his arms, glistening with sweat, glowing with pleasure, shaking uncontrollably in absolute satisfaction and the tears, the tears he had whispered away. It wasn't easy to let go of the past and the years flew through her mind, every chase, every game, every lie, every trap, it had all been wasted, the hard work, the cold threats echoing with emptiness that she had repeatedly leveled at him, all of her pretending and that fucking gun forever in his face, it had all culminated to this, to surrender, to calling the game, the fight, the hatred, calling it all on account of sex.

To hell with the journey, her reluctance and the lies that had nearly killed them both.  
What mattered was the first touch of her, the first taste, those delicious gasps as his fingers pleasured, stretched her, explored every inch of her. More gasps when he finally entered her, slowly burying all of himself into her in one gentle motion. Her entire body shuddered beneath him as he reached beneath her, his fingers sinking into the flesh of her ass. He pushed further, eliciting delicious cries which he enjoyed smothering with his mouth.

What mattered was the way her body finally adjusted to his, the moment she relaxed and believed that it wasn't so wrong after all.

What really mattered was that it was his name she was crying out just before the sun peaked from behind the clouds the next morning, the way she gasped for breath and sliced him open with her finger nails. The sight of her in the eerie predawn light filtering in through the sheer curtains, he watched as her face relaxed and her body stilled, the waves of pleasure subsiding.

They had crossed a line, the tide had turned and after years of wondering how to take the first step, the first step had been taken and now nothing would ever be the same again.


	2. The Cold Light Of Day

Impasse Chapter 2 The Cold Light of Day

Parker awoke, abrupt and fully and all at once and with a gasp of terror. She bolted upright in bed.

"Hey, hey, hey..." Jarod soothingly whispered, a hand tenderly stroking circular patterns across her back. "It was just a bad dream."

"Apparently not." She replied as the sheets were held tight against her chest, covering herself in an act of modesty Jarod had never expected to witness. Not from this woman, not from the Queen of the Frat House.

But Jarod was prepared for this, had lain awake all morning rolling it over in his mind. Of course, her first reaction to sleeping with the man she'd been chasing, distrusting and hating for five years would be full blown, to-the-hilt, out of this fucking universe and over-the top panic. This was all unnatural for her, like witnessing Catholicism after spending your life practicing Methodism, like finally seeing after a life lived blinded. She had disobeyed Mr. Parker's order, she had proved her disloyalty to the Centre. It wasn't her fault. She'd been poisoned by lies and had even admitted to being trained to distrust him on the Isle. And now, here they were.

This wasn't the picture of post-coital bliss that he'd imagined for the last thirty years. Or maybe it was.

Instead of moving further away, springing from the bed and seeking refuge in the bathroom, she stayed put, unsure for once what to do or what to say.

Jarod embraced her fully, held her against his chest, held there gently. She uttered a groan.  
"I don't know about this, Jarod." She whispered. He couldn't have really expected her to surrender.

"You regret last night." He whispered and tried to remained calm, to handle the situation as objectively as he could but fuck, it hurt. It hurt that she had regrets about having sex with him, that she'd been so poisoned against him.

One hand released her, the other slipped under her chin, gently lifted her head.  
"No." She tried to fight but he disallowed it.  
"Look at me, Parker."  
"No. Let go of me!"  
"Look at me." He was firm, determined. He had waited too long to touch her, to taste her, make love to her to let it slip away now.

One glimpse into her eyes and he was lost, his body immediately responded and leaning in, his lips brushed hers.  
"Please, don't." She whispered.  
"Ok. Ok." He took her hands in his, pulled her to her feet. "Come with me."  
"Where?" Her voice was so unsteady. This was so unlike the Miss Parker he'd watched from afar. But then, he'd never had her as his own, had never seen her on the day after such a sweet night..  
"A walk." He helped her into a lavender dress, pulling it from a bag then slipping it over her head, over the sheet and down. Once the dress was in place, the sheet fell away and he hadn't seen any of the modesty she'd been attempting to conceal. But fuck. He'd already seen everything, explored and tasted every single centimeter of her body. "It's a beautiful day."  
"Why, Jarod? Why are you here? Why last night? Why?" She was so confused. Expected yes, but it saddened him just the same.  
"It's ok." He whispered. Why didn't she realize this? "Come on." He held her hand, squeezed it gently and led her out, down the walk and along the warm sand.  
They watched two distant ships vanish into the horizon in silence and then he turned to her. They were so much like those ships, had been for so long but the course for collision had been set into motion years ago. It had been only a matter of time.

Parker's eyes still on the water, but he knew he had her attention. Her entire body was tense, every nerve raw standing on end.  
"This" Jarod began with a smile. "Last night is something we've been flirting with, for years. I know that trust has been an issue for us both and I know that they want you to believe that this is wrong but, Parker, don't tell me that you've never imagined what it would be like to complete that kiss- the kiss we almost shared in Scotland. I have and so have you." Her eyes met his. "Haven't you?"  
"I don't know."  
"Tell me the truth."  
"Yes. I thought we were insane for even allowing ourselves that moment of weakness on the island but-"  
"Weakness." He whispered. "No. Not weakness, Parker. What are you afraid of? Mr. Parker? Raines? Lyle? The Centre? Me? You? The truth?"  
"I'm not-"  
"Don't tell me that you aren't afraid of anything. Don't. Because you are. What are you afraid of?"  
"Everything." The word left her lips before she could stop it. "I'm afraid of everything."  
"Everything?"  
"I'm leaving the Centre, Jarod. I've already sent Broots away."  
"I know you're leaving. I'm only sorry it took Mr. Parker's death for you to realise the path you need to choose. But if you are really leaving, then there is nothing to fear."  
"We.."  
"I won't pretend that last night is some simple event in our lives. But it's not as if we've done something so wrong. It doesn't have to be complicated. We're adults, behaving like adults. I want to be with you, where ever you are. I'm in love with you."  
"Jarod, I .."

"Well, well, well." Came the taunting sing-song voice of Lyle. "What do we have here?" 


	3. Candlelight

"Looks like you finally caught Jarod, sis. Or is it the other way around here?" Lyle asked smugly.  
Jarod swallowed with difficulty.  
"I was hoping I could convince her to let me go." Jarod lied.  
"That's not what it sounded like last night." Lyle chuckled. "Next time, rent a villa with thicker walls, will ya, sis?" Lyle chambered a round. "Get over here, Jarod. Now." Jarod stepped in front of Parker protectively.  
"Oh, I see. You're protecting the Ice Queen, are you?"  
"I.." Jarod began then started coughing.  
"What's wrong with you?" Lyle asked.  
Jarod reached for his throat.  
"What's wrong with him?" Lyle yelled.  
"I..I don't know." Parker leaned forward. "Jarod, what's..."  
Without warning, Jarod grabbed her hand, forcing Parker to crouch in the sand.  
"Can't...breath.." Jarod gasped as he sank lower to the ground.  
"Jarod..." Parker began, concerned.  
Lyle approached the pair. "Get up!" Lyle yelled and reached down to assist the Pretender. It was then that Jarod slung a handful of sand into Lyle's eyes. Within seconds, Lyle was subdued, cuffed and lying unconscious in the sand. "We have to go." Jarod slid the gun to safety.

"No. Run Jarod. You go and-"  
"He knows that we slept together."  
"It's his word against-"  
"He probably has the room bugged, he could have even planted a camera. Come on."  
Parker backed away, shook her head fiercely.  
"I'm not leaving you here. Don't move." He whispered. "Don't. Just listen to me." He said as he approached cautiously. When he was within reach, he grasped her arm. "We're leaving right now!"

* * *

Parker was jarred to consciousness by the train's gentle swaying several hours later.

"Where are we?" She glanced at the window.  
"We'll be reaching Cordoba in about five minutes. There was a delay at the last stop. It's still going to be a while before we reach Madrid. Would you like something to drink?"  
"Scotch."  
"I was thinking more along the lines of water or coffee."  
"What are we going to do, Jarod?"  
"I think for the moment it's best to keep moving. Once we reach Madrid, I'll book us rooms on the Elipsos Trainhotel and hopefully, by the time we reach Paris-"  
"No. Us? They'll come for us, Jarod."  
"Yes they will but I'd die before I let them hurt you. It's going to be alright. I promise."

After boarding the Trainhotel, Jarod settled them into a private room and lit several candles. "Come here." He whispered, giving the bed a pat.  
"Jarod..."  
"Shh." He crossed the room, helped her out of her coat. "It's okay. I just want to love you."  
"I don't know.."  
"You know you can trust me. Just trust me."  
He swept her into his arms, carried her to bed and they made love by candlelight.

She cried out his name as she climaxed and then burst into tears. Again.  
Jarod pulled her closer, held her tightly.

"What are we going to do, Jarod?" She asked several hours later. They were still wrapped in each other's arms.  
"We're going to live."  
"How?"  
"We're already living. We just...have to be careful."  
"I need to go back. I can't be here.." She reached for her bra.  
"No." He whispered, gripping her tighter. "Stay with me. You have to. You can't go back. They will kill you. You can never go back. I know you're frightened, I know that. You're going to have to trust me."  
"I know you are but I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I promise."


	4. In a Different Light

_I'm in love with her._

It came as a shock to him to say it aloud even though he'd always loved her. Until that morning, he really had no idea how far he'd fallen, but as they say: still waters run deep.

He stood and stared after drying from his bath and watched as she brushed her lovely hair. Keeping hidden from her sight, Jarod followed quietly when she stood in her dress and with sake in hand, walked up the steps and out onto the roof to look out at the red tiled roofs of traditional Japanese houses that lined the street.

"What are you thinking?" He finally asked, unable to keep his distance from her a second longer.

"I'm thinking about your parents." She said softly, so softly that he almost hadn't heard her.

"Don't. We have to think about ourselves now. And everything else will work itself out."

"What if it _doesn't_?" She asked.

Jarod smiled. "What if it**_ does_**?"

"I don't know."

Jarod advanced, slipped his arms around her waist and then attempted to gently spin her towards him. Parker was rigid, unwilling to turn around.

"Parker?"

"I don't even want to imagine what it feels like to- to" She stammered and then sobbed.

"To what?" Jarod was clueless.

"To have a child taken away, to wonder for even a second where my child is, my god, let alone thirty years, to wonder if your child is cold or hurt or hungry, or sad or even alive!" Parker cried. "How does she do it? How has she survived all this t- time not-" And the words were choked off by her sobs.

_Where the hell did this come from?_ The woman chased him for five years and now, here she was having an emotional breakdown for a woman she'd only met once, and only briefly. Apparently, she'd had some time to ponder and place blame... on herself.

"Now you listen to me, Parker." Jarod said and cupped her face and made her look at him, really look at him. "That is not your fault."

It was heartbreaking really to her face dampened with tears, but it also made his heart soar that this woman was crying for him, for his mother. She was truly repentant and he knew that she loved him, just as he loved her.

"How? How did she not lay down and die? How?"

"My mother did it the same way we all do, Parker. Hope. The hope that she will find me around the next corner, just as your mother hoped she would rescue you and me and all of the children, the hope of a better life, a brighter future, just as you hoped that one day you'd be free of the Centre. And now, you are."

"Oh, god. You're really no help at all!" She pushed him away but he wasn't going anywhere, and neither was she until Jarod found out what the hell was really wrong with her.

"What is this all about?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired." She began to walk, but became stiff and then winced. "I'm so tired."

"What?"

"I'm so tired. I- I'm going to lie down."

"You slept straight through last night, and you took several naps during the day as well, so don't lie, don't tell me you are tired. And don't walk away from me, not until you tell me what's wrong. You're in pain. Tell me."

Parker was adamant, and insisted that nothing was wrong, but Jarod knew better. He watched closely for the next several days, was vigilant and finally, six nights later, while Jarod pretended to sleep, Parker revealed her secret.

Jarod felt the bed shift, and peeked beneath closed eyelids as she studied his face in the moonlight. And then she rose to relieve her full bladder in the loo but almost immediately, she groaned and pressed her hands to her lower back.

"What's wrong with your back?" He asked softly, and Parker went still.

"I think I pulled something when we boarded the train in"

Jarod sat up fully and interrupted.

"That was several weeks ago. Tell me the truth, Parker."

"I have to" She moved towards the loo.

"How long do you think you can hide something like this from me?"

"Something like what?"

"You're exhausted, you sleep nine hours straight and a total of five additional hours in naps, you're emotionally high strung, even more so than usual."

"No, I'm.."

"And you're experiencing back pain.

"I'm not so young anymore."

"And you're late."

"Hold that thought." She said and slammed closed the door and finally relieved herself.

When she returned, the conversation resumed.

"You're late."

"For?"

"That's not what I mean and you damn well know it." Jarod said. "We've been together for sixteen and a half weeks. Did you think I didn't notice when you avoided having sex with me for five consecutive days? Five consecutive days each month? Oh, you thought I didn't know about that, well I do; I read all of the biology manuals, Parker, I have in depth knowledge about the female body; I've been a midwife."

Parker seemed appalled.

"And a gynecologist and obstetrician."

"Oh, god." She groaned. "Will you shut up?"

"And that's another thing. You're terribly irritable. You don't want me to talk, you don't even want me around, but I seem to serve a purpose considering that you want to have sex every day, sometimes twice a day, and we have. Everyday this month, every single day last month, without the inconvenient five day interruption. When were you going to tell me?"

"I'm late." She stated angrily and not matter of factly, but in a voice she'd generally use to convey what she really wanted to say to him and what she really wanted to say was: there, I told you. Happy? Now drop it! She would never say that to him now, and she didn't want to argue or injure him but he was correct: she was irritable, and it irritated her that he knew her so well.

"No. When were you going to tell me that you're pregnant?"

"I can't be pregnant."

"Oh? Have you had a medical procedure to prevent pregnancy? Because even though we used condoms, they aren't 100% effective."

"No. I haven't. But I can't- I **can't** be pregnant. The condoms _**had**_ to be effective."

"Obviously, they were not."

"Oh-" She worried her bottom lip frantically between her teeth. "Oh, god, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Jarod. I know this is the last thing you need, that either of us need."

"No, don't be sorry, please-"

"This is a bad idea, it is, isn't it? The timing- maybe if we weren't on the run.."

"Don't." He interrupted. "Please don't complete that thought. I know where you're going with this and there are circumstances in which I can be sympathetic and even in favor but... this isn't one of those circumstances." He placed his palm protectively over her abdomen and then he knelt to kiss her belly. Her breath caught when he looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "This is our baby, Parker. _Ours_. We made this child and it was no mistake.

Parker felt her knees weaken suddenly as she was overwhelmed by many emotions and fears. She joined him on the floor. "But the Centre-" She became panicked and began sobbing. "Oh, god, the Centre- Jarod, they will take the baby, they will find us and they will take our child and that life will be worse..." Parker shivered and then inhaled a shaky breath. "It would be kinder to do... something... now, than to allow our child to be taken.. oh, god" She sobbed. "I don't know what to do.. I can't, I can't even consider" She couldn't consider terminating their child. "We can't run forever, I won't be able to and then the Centre.."

"No." He assured her, even though he was in no position to, and then pulled her into his arms. He knew damn well that she wouldn't terminate a child conceived out of love and consensual sex. She couldn't even say the words terminate or abortion. She was terrified and not thinking clearly.

"I won't let them do that to you, I won't let them take our child. I promise you. Stop." He kissed her hair, and then her face. "Stop this. Please. Take a breath and just relax, okay? This isn't good for the baby, and hysterics aren't exactly your style."

"I know." She wiped away her tears, but then more fell. "I don't know what's wrong with me!" She sobbed.

"Hormones." He smiled. "It's perfectly normal, Parker, and it will pass. In a few weeks, I promise that you will feel more rational."

"But then I'll be fat."

"No, you'll just be pregnant." Jarod whispered but Parker was already sobbing again. "Shh, lie down and I'll rub your back."

The moment they reached the bed, Parker was all over him.

"This isn't what I had in mind." Jarod chuckled when she disrobed and then shifted to lie spread eagle before him. "I intend to give you a back rub."

"It's not my back that needs rubbing." She said huskily and arched her hips upwards.

"Mmmmm, it's going to be an incredible eight months." He dipped his head low and pulled a nipple into his mouth and suckled his way south. She cried out and as he lapped at her clitoris and licked into her folds and brought her to orgasm again and again.


End file.
